Just cropdusted the office
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
