The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
