i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
3 2 1 whiskey
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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