what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
