I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I AM VODKA MAN
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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