I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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