my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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