Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
