i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
