What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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