I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
