btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
