When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
