After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
false alarm, still single
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
