i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
