Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
