please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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