I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
