I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize