I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
high people should be assigned attendants
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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