I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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