I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
