every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
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He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
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They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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