He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
