I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
