You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
