So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
