Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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