You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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