He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
