I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
