Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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