i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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