Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
