her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
