I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
there is puke in my bra ... again
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