I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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