hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
