Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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