Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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