A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
