i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
