Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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