If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
