Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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