I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
im on a boat
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