I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
