He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
