I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
