I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
