I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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