HIV tests are more positive than that guy
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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