I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
