Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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