I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
