Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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