what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
