Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
