Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
