just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
nutella sex= disaster
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
