he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He passed out mid-signature
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
