Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
