I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
