You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
