I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
you never un-have a 4some
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
