She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
