I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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