i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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