There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
