Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
