I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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