We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
