Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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