I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
