Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
