Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
