Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
