So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
