you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
