I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
